Get Gratitude

having patient friends who can put up with me when i’m being less than patient with my environment

having a ‘more than everything and hugely wonderful’ girlfriend that i appreciate more and more every day

having a ‘home’ to come ‘home’ to

having clean drinking water (almost) anytime i need it

I’m grateful for:

- my home at the end of very long days

- my feet not giving up on me

- my bf making it home safe

- my kids and mag making it home safe

- all the hugs i got today

- the sweet phone calls I got from my man

today im grateful for:

- my son who hugged me this morning

- my boyfriend who told me he’d miss me this weekend

- my jobs

- money in my account

- random people who are blunt and honest with me

Grateful for:

- Money in my bank account

- My son being safe and healthy

- being able to grocery shop with multitudes of choices

- Getting to celebrate from beginning to end my mans bday

- the ability to deny my gray hairs with pink dye

Once again, I felt the need to tend to my own wants and desires at the expense of others. I was hardly productuve at all today, I missed a very important plea for help, I missed a very important appointment with a close friend and I made people I care about worry about me all because I felt the need to tend to my own desires rather than be of service to others. I don’t think one needs to be of service to others to be grateful, but for me it’s indispensable. I need to remind myself of why my life is good right now. It’s not just luck or hard work on my side. There are principles I need to live by which helps to keep me in gratitude and humility: [these two go hand in hand with me].

Today I was grateful for the following:

- the squirrel that flung itself to my window this morning and stared at me like I was bothering him

- the fact that I didn’t bitch once when my mom took me to a vegan cafe and convinced me that there was meat on the menu. I just smiled in ammusment.

- My man being with me last night to hold my hand through a overwhelming family event.

- My son who has told me multiple times today how much he loves me and grabbed my hand as we walked down town Santa Cruz perusing thrift shops.

Today, i spent most of the day NOT living in gratitude - and you know what? It sucks. I was angry at people that cared about me. I neglected them by not spending the time and attention they deserved from me, because ‘IT’S MY FUCKING WAY’ and if you don’t like it - fuck off. That’s the attitude of a lonely person. And I was a lonely person for a long time. Now I have a few people in my life that would go to bat for me, and it’s because I’ve humbled myself to ask for help when needed, I have extended my hand to others and given hand ups and I’ve learned to be happy with what is NOW. I am happy and grateful for what I have right now. When you lose that feeling, and get wrapped up in selfishness, self-seeking and self pity - man, you will hate your life. I wasted too much of my life living that way, and I wasted too much of today living that way.

I just want to say THANK YOU for everything wonderful thing/person/force/energy in my life right now. It’s a beautiful place.

what’s left of my cognitive ability

the warm/hot weather

not freezing

having the ability to pay for air conditioning for my special friend and my cat

having working eyes that can see this screen i’m typing on

• sleep
• air conditioning
• My man pushing me further then what I could see in myself
• My family and friends supporting the current shift of paths in my life
• My son who will be 11yo tomorrow
• Strangers who see potential in me and want to take chances on me

• water
• food
• home
• boyfriend
• son
• family
• friends
• job
• money